did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
