I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
