Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
