did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
