I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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