note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
