i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
