Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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