Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
