I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
i now understand why vodka
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
