Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
