Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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