If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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