At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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