Everything about him screamed your future.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
