Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
