Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize