You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
