i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
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