between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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