That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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