I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize