id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
my poor anus
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
