I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
