I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
