if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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