I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
