$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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