so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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