so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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