There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
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