Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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