I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize