Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(312): View more from Illinois

sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships

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(303): View more from Colorado

I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.

(510): View more from California

YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!

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(740): View more from Ohio

she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse

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(309): View more from Illinois

they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.

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(707): View more from California

I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.

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(209): View more from California

Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!

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(614): View more from Ohio

It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other

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(714): View more from California

Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point

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