Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
