Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
