Pregnant stripper...not hot.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
