the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
dude. I can hear the air.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
