So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
