So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
