i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
