lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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