If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
