Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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