it was like his penis was on wheels.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize