If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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