Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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