i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Randomize
