thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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