I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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