last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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