Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
As shirtless as possible
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Randomize
