she smelled like a LAN party
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
