how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
