yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
