Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
