Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
