don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
