I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
