I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
