I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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