I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize