He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
