so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
