Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
NoShamevember. You game?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
