youre lurking in front of me
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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