I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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