"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
