...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize