i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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