you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Randomize
