my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
We don't watch enough power rangers
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
