so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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