and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
