Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
