His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
is wine microwaveable?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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