Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
