I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
please come you make the beer taste better
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
