That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize