The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
3 2 1 whiskey
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
