he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
