he wants to bone in the snuggie
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
