Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
