your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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