Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
