You're a womanizer and a bitch.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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