Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
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