She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
