life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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