it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
