I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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