we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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