It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
