id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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