We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You took a bar mat shot.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
