Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
