I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
no you cant smoke seaweed
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
