We're like a lot better than the average bears
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize