I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
