drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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