We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
