well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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